Since I had Hell Week, courtesy of STBE, I’ve been spending the past week exhaling from all of that stress. I got really stressed out. I didn’t take my vitamins. I got back into my exercise routine. I ate some chocolate. I had some days out with friends. I got caught up at work. It really was a time to just breathe. I also had to do a lot of paperwork for the lawyer. I had to gather up an unseemly amount of information about my life and my marriage.
I wrote out a history of my marriage, which ended up being over 10,000 words long. I wanted to detail what I had went through. There was no story about it. It was just, such and such happened during this time. It was all exhausting.
I’m trying to get back into my stride and de-stress myself. I’m not good with stress.
I wrote about my Hell Week and this is my week after Hell Week.
The thing is STBE has been relatively reasonable. I don’t want to see him. He even apologized for some things. I don’t want him back in a million years though. I’ve seen just how horrible he can be. As if doing all the things and not doing all the things he wasn’t doing wasn’t enough to keep me away, the things he’s done here recently certainly are enough to keep me away. The man has proven that he can be terribly awful and unsupportive. He doesn’t want the responsibility of being married.
There is this scriptural phrase that explains what was wrong with STBE over my Hell Week. Basically it says people were “drunk with anger” the same way they might be drunk from alcohol. As you may know, being drunk impairs how you act and what you say. STBE was definitely drunk with anger. I saw him do things I never thought he would do, and I’ve known the man over eight years. He was impaired. Does impairment make anything he did ok? No, it does not. If you commit a crime while you’re drunk, you’ve still committed a crime. He still did all of these awful things.
Even at a person’s worst, you should be able to be around them and be supportive of them, you shouldn’t be scared of them.
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